Shit. Here I am again.
I just found pictures (well I didn’t find them, brother did on his phone. No idea how they ended up on there.) but they were all of us. The memories I had long forgotten or buried in the back of my mind. So here I am not able to look away. I just keep scrollin through all of our pictures together unable to put the phone down and walk away. So now, in my mind, it’s august and I’ve just returned from my 3 month trip to georgia over the summer. God how I just wanted to see you. But then all the shit happened and I still haven’t seen you since June. Ut kills me cause with you i was the happiest ive ever been. The 7 months we were together i still remember everyday. I just want that happiness back i want the time back. I want my fucking life back. Now I sit here with these pictures, these memories, and this smirnoff. Trying to figure out which one to put down. But I can’t seem to let go of either. God. So many memories so many feelings. I miss her with every part of my being. I miss her voice I miss her smile I miss her birthmark that was placed oh so delicately on her hip. I miss her thick hair which resembled so much like a dying fire. I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to remember. I just don’t…I don’t know. Whyd he have to tell me about the pictures? Why did he let me have his phone? Why did I go through all 134 pictures of us when I knew Damn well what it would do to me? These are the questions I have to which no one has any answers….all I can think of, all I want to see, all I want to dream and all I want to feel….is you. So here I am again with these memories and this drink. Feeling like august, knowing it’s not.
Here I am and will always be. Alone.
Don’t you see
Between you and me, I think it’s pretty sad How we’re singing the same song. Don’t you see what you meant to me? You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve ever said…
So I’m bout to just pass out. Long ass dAy with the car Tryin to replace headlights, the stereo and trying to replace that fucking transmission mount…Fuck man. Also tired of the dumb shit people do and say. I’m done. think whatever but I honestly tried. Takin a shower than bed. Oh I need to talk to someone bout this summer! :Dddd
I’m so fuckin ready for “you” to come into my life. Just please do it before next January. The pain of being alone when I leave is far worse than having to leave someone. So please “you” don’t be selfish.
And Im in a great fucking mood :D when am i ever happy when im here? rarely and i am now :DD
cant find my pts’.